Posted in Reflections of the life...

Advice to the blameless

You who calls me Bitch.worthless,a dope whore.The Father of my child,the king of all lies.A little boy playing a very real mans game.Where will you hide when there is no one else to blame.You who calls me a bad Mom and tells my children there unwanted. Look in the mirror, do you like what you see. I wonder does it hurt you knowing he still thinks of me. Respect is earned not freely given time to stop riding Daddy’s coat tails and make your own way in this big bad world. You who calls me filth,unclean,a drug addict. Chose your words carefully and your audience wisely while your speaking of me.Tell me have you thought this through are you prepared to have the light your casting pointed back at you.I am a big girl I own what is mine your colors will show its just a matter of time.Bitch it is true,worthless,dope whore I laugh I have slept with many people the only one I am ashamed of is you.A bad Mom you say sadly it is true I have left my kids with the likes of you.Filth,unclean,a drug addict.I am not thrash,my intentions are pure,my addiction no secret can you say the same about yours. Keep talking all of you and we will see this game out.You know what they say about people living in a glass house.

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Author:

I am Dealherin just call me Dea tho everyone does. I am new to the Blog but not new to saying whats on my mind. I am very vocal. I am really in to Art of all types and have always enjoyed creative writing so am trying to put myself and my life out there.

4 thoughts on “Advice to the blameless

  1. Dea,

    Thank you for sharing this. I feel some similar pain every day of my life with respect to one of my children. My ex was mentally abusive to me, and though we separated 12 years ago, To this day, I struggle with such deep feelings of self loathing, and worthlessness. Being belittled, and hearing twisted insults thrown at you, especially in front of your child causes such sickening feelings. Especially when you do your best to take the high road, and not be drawn into reciprocating behavior.

    I try to tell myself that my daughter will eventually wake up and see what her mother is like, and that I am nothing of what she is told of me. Yet, as she gets older, she seems more and more distant with each passing week. I wish I could tell her what things were really like, and who her mother really is. But I don’t believe in bringing a child into the world of those feelings. Even though she is older, and a teenager, the problems her mother and I had were just that. Problems between two adults.

    It tears me up inside to hear about a parent speaking poorly of another. No matter the situation. That child needs the love from their parents, and not to hear judgemental opinions. I worry about my daughter’s future every day, and how she will turn out because of her co-dependency with her mom.

    I think I went a little off track from where I started, but after hearing these things said to you, thrown at you, day after day, week after week, year after year. They eventually begin to penetrate even the thickest of skin. You start believing it must be true. You begin to feed into it, like a growing darkness inside of you, the feelings of worthlessness begin to consume you and spread into your daily life, and your relationships with others.

    My new wife is very loving, encouraging, and an amazing woman. Yet I get so upset sometimes when she contradicts my self loathing attitude, That darkness is still there, and I feel it always will be. It a daily struggle sometimes to keep it buried as deeply as I can.

    Anyway, more of my rambling. And I will tell you the same thing I tell anyone else. There are three sides to any story. In this case, mine, her’s, and the truth that surly lies in the middle. This is merely my perspective.

    I truly hope that you do, or will eventually come to have a loving and understanding relationship with your child. I wish this for myself every day, and hope that it eventually comes to pass.

    – Chris

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    1. It is the hardest thing to feel you escaped that hell but had to leave your child behind my youngest. The pain eats at my soul and he believes everything his dad tells him.He hates me chris and the things he has said to me a mother should never hear from her child.I will hear those words every time I close my eyes for life.

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